Dear Supportive Surrogate: How To Avoid Issues In Surrogacy

Dear Supportive Surrogate-

I’m getting ready to enter the surrogacy journey with my intended parents. I’d like the process to go as smoothly as possible. Is there advice you can give? - Want To Avoid Issues

Hello, Want to Avoid Issues!

Surrogacy is a journey that is shared between the intended parents and the gestational carrier. While the reward at the end (a beautiful baby going home with their parent(s)) is absolutely amazing, it doesn’t mean issues can’t arise. One of the best things both parties can do is to be very clear on the things that are important to them. Even still, sometimes you don’t know until you KNOW.

Breach of contract may be one of the easiest to address. For both the intended parents and gestational carrier, it is extremely important to read through your contact line by line. Have a pen and highlighter handy and mark it up! Not sure what something means? Take notes and ask your lawyer. Before you sign, you should know your contract inside and out. After you have contracts in place and you feel unsure about something being a possible breech, refer back and if needed, go over that section again with your lawyer. 

Let’s talk about the pregnancy! Yay, the GC is pregnant! This pregnancy will last around nine months, and in that nine months the amount of communication and involvement is going to vary from match to match. This part can also be fluid and change throughout the pregnancy. What is important here is to be open and honest with what is needed from both sides. Parent(s) would you like more frequent updates? Communicate that to your gestational carrier. 

Gestational Carrier, do you need the opportunity to speak to your provider alone at a visit the parents are attending? That’s okay! Just communicate that. Have you noticed a trend yet? COMMUNICATION is key. If that communication can’t happen between the intended parents and surrogate directly, your agency can help to relay for both sides and act as a buffer when needed.

The birth of baby! The time has come and the parents are about to meet their baby for the first time. This is a joyous occasion for everyone. But it doesn’t come without its questions. Where will the parents be during the birth? Are they in the birthing room? Are they by the surrogate’s head during pushing? Or are they ready to catch baby and cut the cord!? All of these things are great to talk about in matching and revisit during the pregnancy, before the birth. 

Most if not all conflict or confusion during surrogacy can be avoided through good research, open communication and some flexibility on both sides. 

-Supportive Surrogate

Have questions or just want to talk about the process in general?