Dear Supportive Surrogate: Navigating Judgement

Dear Supportive Surrogate,

I am an intended parent due with our first baby soon. Of course, we are filled with anticipation and joy as we await our daughter’s arrival. Unfortunately, we have some friends and family who have pressed us with the, “why didn’t you just adopt” question. It’s crushing to have this hanging over our heads. How do we answer this on a level that they can understand? -Crushed

Dear Crushed,

First, congratulations! You will be meeting your sweet little one soon! As for the adoption question, let me say this: you do not have an obligation to make anyone understand your choices. Your obligation is to yourself and the family you are working so hard to build. With that in mind, I do understand that this is such a time of joy for you, and joy is so much brighter when shared with others. A simple explanation is this: adoption is not a sure thing, though neither is surrogacy but for much different reasons. Birth parents have the right to change their mind during the pregnancy, and even after baby is born, when dealing with adoption. Not to mention the lengthy legal process and waitlist. With gestational surrogacy, you enter into an agreement with a woman who will have no genetic relationship to your baby. Most importantly, the legal framework protecting your parental rights is put into place before transfer even happens. In a nutshell, this means that from the very start the lines are clear, this is your baby, and no one can attest otherwise. I won’t go into wanting a genetic relationship with your child, but for many that may be a factor as well. Whatever the case is, enjoy this time. Embrace those who embrace you, and know that even the toughest crowds soften when they meet a new squishy baby to love. 

Dear Supportive Surrogate,

My husband and I have finally saved enough money to make our surrogacy dreams happen. We have done some research, but frankly we are overwhelmed. Where do we start? Do we need an agency? -Overwhelmed

Dear Overwhelmed,

Wow, you have worked hard to get to this place! Of course, you want to make sure you do things correctly. Let’s start with breathing… yes breathing! Try to relax, and soak up all the knowledge available to you. An agency can be a great place to start. Here at Texas Surrogacy, we offer complimentary consultations. During this time, we are able to walk you through the big picture and answer your questions and concerns. This is also a great time to get Reproductive Endocrinologist recommendations, if you aren’t already working with one. The first step is to reach out to a professional. Don’t let your feelings of overwhelm shadow the challenging but beautiful journey you have begun. You have come this far, you can do this!

If you are interested in a free, no obligation consultation with Texas Surrogacy head here to schedule and we’d love to talk with you about your first steps all the way through how an entire journey works!