Pros and Cons of Self Matching
Working with an agency during your surrogacy journey can help to ease a lot of stress and keep you from missing some important steps in the process, but what if that just is not in the cards for you? We get it, maybe you already know the person who will act as your gestational surrogate, or you are hoping to save some money by avoiding extra fees. Whatever your situation is, take a look at some pros and cons to help you better determine if self matching is right for you.
An obvious pro of not using a matching entity is that it can save the intended parents money, when done correctly. You may also feel like a middle man is not necessary. Just remember that cutting out this buffer can make for some difficult conversations during the process. Some examples of tough subject matters include number of embryos to be transferred, termination, money, special request and other preferences – not to mention if you have a disagreement during the pregnancy. While your clinic and lawyers can help with some of these conversations, they are often not able to give the lengthy and honest conversation deserved. We understand that having a friendship with your carrier changes the dynamic. But that can actually make some of these conversations even tougher and can sometimes cause strain to the relationship.
This brings us to a big con of self matching, doing your own ground work and expecting the same from your surrogate. This means contacting the clinic, finding both lawyers (one for the parents, one for the carrier), keeping up with the med calendar and literally everything else. It is all up to you and them. Self matching is doable, but there are some very important steps and deadlines in the process not to be overlooked.
Even if self-matching, these things are very important:
· Each Party – IPs and GC - must have their own attorney (one of the attorneys must be in the state in which the baby will be born) – A good lawyer would NEVER allow either party to not have their own representation
· Baby needs to be born in a state in which IPs can legally be named the parents (through a pre-birth order or other appropriate legal documents), the following link is a map about laws and surrogacy friendly states: https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/us-surrogacy-law-map/
· Escrow/expense account should be established for any cost reimbursement, the surrogate should never have to ask or wait for money, most lawyers will require this.
· Health insurance review – the surrogate’s insurance should be surrogate friendly and not have a lien or exclusionary clause.
It can be done! We have some wonderful women who work with us who have done it themselves. The goal is to help a family or individual welcome a sweet baby into their home, regardless of how you choose to match.
What if you do want to self-match or are already self-matched….but still want some matching entity help? We can help with that! Contact us today about our concierge services, and let us assist with the process and those other sticky pieces.