What should I do if my partner isn't on board?
We’re sure you’ve heard that it takes a village to raise a child before. Surrogacy is similar. And the village has many different layers, levels, and rings. There’s the world at large, your smaller circle, and, of course, your very closest support of your spouse or partner. From the very first steps, your spouse or partner will need to be part of many things. From your in-person interview, your psychological screening, and many times they may need to travel with you and be at the screening at your fertility clinic, as well as being part of the legal agreement – on top of just plain regular life support while you head out to extra appointments. Having a partner who is not willing to do all these things and support you through this makes it impossible to move forward. So, what should you do?
The first step is to educate yourself in the process, and as they are willing to take on information, your partner as well. Ask questions. Call a local agency and pick their brains. Most agencies are more than willing to talk to you and your spouse (and sometimes they can find spouses of former gestational carriers who are willing to talk to your spouse, too, to give them their perspective!). That’s one of the many things a great agency is there for, to help you throughout the process.
The next thing you can do is call some local fertility clinics to educate yourself on what you will go through as far as an embryo transfer. This is something an agency can help you with as well if you prefer. In addition, your OB/GYN or Midwife is a great resource to talk to your spouse about their general fears surrounding the risks of childbirth. Your agency can also connect you with local people just like you who might have been in the same spot as you.
One more great option is to simply talk with your spouse about why they are not on board. It might be out of fear of losing you. It could be a fear that you will be away from home and be less available to your partner and your children. Maybe even as simple as a fear of needles! Understanding why that fear and hesitation exist can help. Until you have the conversation, it will be difficult to know what is causing their hesitation or fears.
If something like this is holding you back from helping a family do not be afraid to reach out to us, because you never know you might not be the only one in this situation. We can help you talk to your spouse or partner, or give great tips and tricks to start the conversation.