5 Reasons I Loved Being a Surrogate
People often ask gestational carriers/surrogates, “Why would you want to be a surrogate?” The answer has always been easy for me. First, let’s start with the reason why I chose to carry someone else’s baby, then I’ll explain all the reasons why I loved it.
The backstory: Growing up with three sisters, conversations would occasionally happen about “If for some reason I am unable to be pregnant, would you help?” It sounds like a strange conversation to have, but it sometimes came up. So, I had already decided early on in life that this was something I wanted to do. When my sister was diagnosed with endometriosis at age 14 and had emergency surgery to save her life, then several years later had to have another emergency surgery to remove one of her fallopian tubes that had burst during an ectopic pregnancy, I knew it was a very real possibility that I would someday carry a child for her. I was mentally prepared and willing to do it. Fortunately, she ended up having three boys! Seeing her become a mom strengthened my desire to help someone else become a parent. Being a surrogate is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!
There are many reasons why I loved being a surrogate.
1. I helped build a family.
There is something special about giving a gift to someone that they cannot repay. Sure, surrogates receive compensation, but we aren’t in it for financial gain. When the intended parents tell their stories, it’s humbling to know that you are helping their dreams come true. After all, more than just the intended parents gain a family member. Depending on their family, you may have also made someone an aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, sister, or grandparent! Eventually, the baby born via surrogacy could someday be someone’s parent or grandparent, so you’ve helped someone’s family lineage continue. One of my favorite parts of my surrogacy journey was being able to help an only child become a brother. It was fun to watch his excitement build as the due date got closer. When the intended parents send me photos of their kids, you can tell how much he adores her.
2. It was a great opportunity to set an example.
As parents, our kids are always watching us. I have two daughters, who were 8 and 2 at the time of the baby’s birth. The 8-year-old understood what was happening and was excited that our family was able to help someone else. My 2-year-old had no clue, but eventually, she will understand and hopefully be inspired to do something bigger than herself. I also live in a small community, and I figured I could be someone that people know and relate to, maybe someone else would feel empowered to become a surrogate.
3. It was an incredible experience!
The journey is unlike anything I’ve ever done before. I’d like to say that the surrogacy journey was completely selfless, but that wouldn’t be true. The experience was one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. From the match meeting, the clinic and OB visits, and to labor & delivery, the journey was full of exciting moments that I’ll never forget.
4. I got to educate others.
Sometimes, people have questions about surrogacy because they’re unfamiliar with the process. One question I frequently got was whether it would be difficult to “give the baby up” after she was born. People often don’t understand that there is no genetic relation to the surrogate, and when I’d explain that the embryo is created using the egg and sperm from the intended parents and/or a donor, it would often lead to more questions that were more about the process and less about the surrogate. This was ideal since I wanted to talk about surrogacy in general rather than myself. Since surrogacy is just one of many ways to build a family, it was a good opportunity to talk about ways that aren’t acknowledged as much as others. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all method to building a family, and I wanted to bring attention to the fact that some people adopt or foster children, some get pregnant, and some choose surrogacy. Parents can be of the same or opposite sex, single, or have a partner. Being a surrogate was a fun way to get these conversations happening.
5. I felt like I made a difference.
People sometimes say they want to change the world but don’t know how. This is one of the most meaningful ways I’ve helped someone. Being a surrogate can help grow an entire branch of someone’s family tree, be an example of kindness, help others understand surrogacy, and grow a whole person! How often do you get the opportunity to do something like that?