5 Things I Learned from Being a Gestational Carrier
Here are 5 things I learned from being a gestational carrier:
1. The timeline was longer than I expected. Even when you are really motivated and help gather items for the process, it takes time. You or the agency you are working with will need to gather all pregnancy and birth medical records. This can take time depending on providers and if third party providers are used to keep medical records. Matching with Intended Parents that can take up to a couple of months because of the time it takes to gather everything. Just trying to coordinate between everyone’s schedules for a match meeting can take a couple of weeks sometimes! Then you have medical screening based on your cycle, waiting for those results, then legal contract. The transfer cycle typically takes 45-60ish days. These are just basic steps, depending on the agency and the clinic there may be more! Typically, you are looking at 6-9 months once you really get started to embryo transfer, then you have the pregnancy and post-partum.
2. I didn’t realize how many lives I would touch. It takes a lot of generosity to give the gift of life. At first, I didn’t think of it like that. I just kept thinking, “Why wouldn’t I do this for someone else?” Our family was complete, yet I could do this to help another family. Both of my pregnancies and births were uneventful. I knew it wasn’t so easy for everyone; I was surrounded by people struggling with infertility. I felt fortunate for my experiences creating my family. I wanted to give the gift of family to someone struggling. The little girl I gave birth to is surrounded by many loved ones that are so happy and it is amazing to watch her grow. The whole experience changed so many lives and created a new one.
3. By signing up to be a gestational surrogate I signed up for complete transparency. I literally had a camera stuck up my vagina into my uterus to check for any abnormalities. It doesn’t get any more transparent than that! Not to mention other medical testing, when my monthly cycles were, and then all the fun pieces of a birth. The Intended Parents were in the room for labor and delivery, so they got to see their child being born. You are also sharing with IPs along the way and may need to seek other medical professionals, like a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor. Being open and honest during this whole process is key, not only medically, but for the Intended Parents too.
4. Support is key. My IPs lived in another state, where the clinic was, so I only saw them at medical screening, at first heartbeat confirmation, the 20 week ultrasound, and at the birth. Understandably, they couldn’t fly out for every appointment. The IPs didn’t get to feel the baby kick or hiccup during the pregnancy, but I sent pictures and videos. (I asked before sending anything if they wanted to see pictures and videos). The IPs can be a great support system, but it is important for you to have your personal support system whether that be family or friends. Unless you know someone who has been a surrogate, nobody will truly understand what you go through. However, they can help with your children, just listen, or step in with additional help as needed. There is more information in the Support System blog and why this is so important.
5. It is the hardest thing I have ever done but worth it! The journey had some difficult times like the shots for IVF and the aches and pains of pregnancy. We were also independent, so no agency, and I felt very alone like no one really understood. The delivery was complicated and choosing not to pump breast milk was a struggle to get the milk to dry up. Even with all of that, I wouldn’t take it back. There is a beautiful young girl growing up with her family. She is happy. Her family is happy and thriving. Seeing that joy and family grow is worth every hard thing I did.
Each journey and each surrogate has a different process, but we all have the same goal: giving baby back to their parents. If this is something you have every considered fill out our intake form today. Even if this is not for you, we have a great referral program. Send your friends our way too!